It’s so hard to accept these things in regards to my life. It’s hard to hear disability in reference to you. It’s hard to hear “disabled” or “unable” . I know I can’t be capable of everything but when I’m not capable of something everyone in my surroundings is and expects me to, it’s really hard. To have it confirmed “you can’t really work right now” and to know its true. To know that things are harder than they should be, or even were in the past.

I don’t let things keep me from my dreams but am I being unrealistic right now? Are my dreams too farfetched? Maybe I should aim lower for now. Maybe that would result in less heartbreak when the truth is confirmed right in front of me.
But the fighter in me doesn’t want to settle for less. I want to make a difference in people’s lives through my love of medical knowledge. I want to help others to help them through the same things I went through… To turn Around and say “it’ll be alright- I made it and this is how.” to see the joy in someones eyes when they finally do something right…
I guess I’m kind of ashamed to have to accept help. I need to learn how not to be so ashamed. How to be comfortable accepting help…
Maybe when I learn that, things will be a bit easier.

~ by silachan on January 17, 2013.

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